My poor Kaydence just had a heck of a rough day today.

Yesterday a friend called and asked if I could help her friend out babysitting today. So we had a little boy around Nolans age over today. Kaydence started out very excited, but I was noticing her moods going up and down today. She was happy and playful and then very quiet and withdrawn. That is unusual for her. I kept trying to ask her what was bothering her, but I don't think she knew. A few times she asked me if I would come play with her, but I was needing to keep a close eye on the boys. Being boys they play rougher than girls. Reid was actually so sweet and polite. He was sharing and playing well, Nolan was the one who didn't want to share. Plus, since it was my first time watching him I just wanted to make sure things went smoothly. During nap time I promised her that when they boys were asleep I would come down and we could do her reading lesson and spend some time alone together. Nolan woke up pretty much as soon as I left the room though. Around the time Reid left I was reminding Kaydence that I was going to a Mommy's night in for the homeschool group. I asked her if she wanted to do her reading lesson and she said no. Usually I will talk her into it by reminding her of our reading reward, but I've been aware that she hasn't been quite herself lately so I haven't been pushing it. I've promised her a trip to the disney store when she is finished with her reading lessons. She will not get a reward like this for regular schooling, but I want her to be excited about learning and I think that reading is a huge accomplishment for someone so young. Anyways when it was time for me to go she just broke down sobbing. "I love you so much and we didn't get to cuddle at all today!" Then she wanted to know if Uncle Parker would come see her because she was sad. She asked several times if she could come with me and for me to please not leave her. So I left her snuggling with Daddy and on the way I started thinking maybe she wasn't just tired the past couple of weeks. Maybe she was picking up on all the stress from Sam and I. So I'm feeling kinda guilty. I mean, I think I handled the situation as well as I could have. If she has been picking up on all that though I just wish I had addressed it better with her. Does that make sense?

When I was driving home Sam called to ask if I was almost there and I could hear Kaydence sobbing in the back round. My brother had been over and they had a tea party together, but I think she just really felt like she needed me close to her tonight. I came inside and scooped her up and she held me tight and cried. She was saying "I love you so much and I missed you." and a few other things along those lines. By this point it was already much later than they usually stay up, but she wanted to read a story and she wanted me to hold her while we read. She usually prefers to sit next to me and hold my hand these days. I tucked her in bed with my blanket and held her hand while she fell asleep. Nolan was a happy camper and fell asleep pretty much as soon as his head hit the pillow.

I've promised Kaydence that I would take her on a date tomorrow night. We are going to go out for ice cream. I may take her into Target and let her look at the "grown up" clothes with me. I think my little love is just in need of some good quality Mommy Kaydence time. I promised her that we would play games and have a wonderful day tomorrow (although, I think today was pretty fun before all the crying) and she said, "Can we just snuggle for a while?"

I don't know how I didn't pick up on all of her cues that she was feeling like she needed a little extra love until the melt down. I hope that now that I'm aware I can give her the extra attention she's feeling like she needs right now. We spend a lot of time together playing, learning, and snuggling already... sometimes you just need a little extra though.

Breaking the TV habit

The past couple of weeks we've really gotten bad about our amount of TV time. During normal circumstances we spend most of our time playing together, reading books, or exploring some fun sensory thing. Or we do unit studies. Recently I've been stressed. Really really stressed, with a whole bunch of anxiety mixed in there. The government shutdown isn't the worst thing that's happened to us, and it's not the hardest thing we've done so far either, but it still sucks. Worrying about if Sam's paycheck will come on time, and if it doesn't come how will we pay our bill? Or how will we feed our family? Luckily we've actually been managing well with lots of prayers, and hopefully it's almost over. But when the shut down first started I was just so overwhelmed with un-answered questions and worry. The kids were tired from our week in McAllen, and then our week with my mom here and my grandma visiting. So I let them watch a lot of TV. That's basically we did last week. Kaydence didn't want to read, she didn't want to play, she didn't want to color ect. And I didn't feel like doing anything besides sitting in a pool of worry. All things considered that was the worst thing I could have done. I was SO bored. Bored and worried are just a terrible combination all around.

I keep telling myself that the kids really seemed like they needed that break. And that letting them watch TV is not the end of the world. This week I've pulled it together (not that I was ever terribly un-together) and decided to get back to normal. It's turned out harder than I anticipated. We've had bursts of really good play time. We've read books together and Kaydence has been excited for her reading lessons again. But there is still lots of times when I need to get something done and they ask to watch a show, but then they don't want to stop watching. We spent most of yesterday afternoon outside, but today it's raining. I think I need to re-organize my play room. There is no real rhyme or reason to where the toys are. I'd like to really organize it so their toys are easy to find and easy to put away. And I really need some help thinking of good ways to limit TV time. I don't want it to feel like a punishment. It's not their fault that I let them watch so much TV last week. But now I need to find a better way to fix it. Any suggestions? I've been looking for ideas on pinterest. But if anyone reading this has tried something that really worked for them I want to hear about it!

The other thing that I have been busy with.. I am really excited about this one. I've been thinking about it for a while, and to keep my mind busy decided to go for it. I am starting my own handmade perfume business. I will be making oil perfumes and selling them on Etsy.com. Depending on how things go I'd like to maybe get a booth at a farmers market or something next year. Oil perfume contains no alcohol or chemicals. It is mixture of a carrier oil and essential oils. The result is a perfume that will last longer than your typical spray on perfume. Plus, it's all natural. I've been doing a lot of research. How much I should sell each bottle for, finding bottles and boxes. I've got all my ducks in a row (well, mostly. I still need to come up with a company name). Now I'm just waiting for the government to re-open and pay us so I can start buying the things I will need to make my perfumes. I'm going to be looking for perfume testers and giving out tons and tons of samples soon. I think it's going to be great. I'll have a facebook page for my company and other such things, so probably this will be the only perfume related blurb on this blog. I'm hoping to start mixing perfumes ASAP and to have samples available sometime next month.